True of the methodologies.
So, fighting, Faking, hibernating bears, and the royal family - four main types of relationships between programmers and users. People who read Ed Sullivan [ 1] Karl Wiegers [2] and Yourdon DeMarco [3 ], at this point, obviously, would argue that there are one and the most correct form of communication - his complete lack of. This happens when a development organization, which is described in great novels of the above-mentioned gentlemen, when analysts interviewed users write full. use. cases. But on the basis of their full and detailed specifications that are then coders, and after a few man-hours to output is a product that is tested by God- testers and, after exchanging a few messages in the bug tracker about the order of. buttons. Help. and. Quit. on the toolbar, users shall be in full readiness.
Oh, no! . However, it is time to talk about what these novels are silent on the methodologies of software development.
But they are silent on the frame. For the successful implementation of an IT project for the ... About which we are now and we'll talk.
Analysts.
You probably think that analysts are fine people in suits against. Armani. or at least, from the. Hugo. Boss. ? . Parker. ' th at one ear and blyutuf - hands-free in another? .
5 years' service in spetsnaz - the minimum requirement for candidates to analysts. Other requirements include a representative appearance ( young Schwarzenegger was crying in a corner of the gym ) and the ability to bend horseshoes with his right hand three-inch (just can not imagine how much solves the first handshake with the interviewee by the user!).
The analyst must not only command respect. Interview with the analyst should be an important event in the life of the user, not as important as marriage, divorce and childbearing. Some have compared the interview with a confession, but such a comparison is obviously incorrect, as the sins of the analyst does not let anyone, but rather....
When a user comes to the analyst (by the way, should dispel the strange and the false premise that analysts must attend to interview users - quite the contrary ), it must be prepared for an interview.
Three high-minded secretary, a strip search, and palpation of internal organs, as well as two guards with machine guns at the ready to inspire the user to the idea that you need to follow the chain of command. Polygraph connected through an amplifier with a slightly modified version of Iron Maiden or Spanish boot, should eliminate the hope of something to embellish and exaggerate the importance of the site work.
However, some experts argue that the analysis phase, you can save if you just lay off all users and. bring new under the right software ( There are even rumors about the system of special schools, boarding schools, and even maternity hospitals for this purpose.
[1 ].
). But personally I think this is an attempt to get away from solving the problem, because sooner or later, the newly laid-off people will be on the other preseed enterprise, and then what? .
Encoders.
It would be naive to think that all of the usual ...
It is known that these encoders for IT projects are selected only from the direct descendants of the Turing and Wiener. Blood is, you know, is thicker than water. There were rumors... that the descendants of Einstein, too, wanted to get into the elite coders, but were not selected - were cut either on the visual analysis of gigabyte memory dump, whether in virtual destructors in. MFC. ....
This is not just an elite coder knows some programming languages ( in general, at least 26 languages, not counting dialects of C for all versions. Unix. , Of course), library functions, and m. Dr.. This is generally not discussed, just as the presence of wings for a bird. This encoder has a sense of the code.
Sense code - something obviously irrational. Suffice it to look at the cover sheet 300 -page document as the encoder can immediately determine where the error crept into the logical. He can not explain how he does it, but the result is obvious. About the little things that any dialed desyatipaltsevym blind bit of code is error-free and always compiles, not worth mentioning.
But here are two things about them tell us in which I believe at all - too fantastic, they sound. While the leave of them, and then just think what I really lies, those.
Testers.
To test fully any real business application can not be. Who would not agree - let him try. However, such programs do exist, and in an amount not to speak of that ... How are they tested? .
Naturally, there has not been without artificial selection and breeding - there is a special breed of testers.
In fact, these testers are deeply unhappy people. Why not? . Poor provoked breakdowns of what he could, got into the most terrible situation. So, the prototype of this character was one of these testers.
In fact, this terrible fate. State Committee of Statistics of the mad, but prosecutors did not know what to do with the case. of serious injury and accidents among the testers.
Of course, this is also a solid genetics - a simple man of the tester does not work, but a real tester of ordinary people will not live long. While the tester will get offspring (Oh! how it can make it even a story, which alone can be a long story ), it is not released from the spec- campus.
Now popular service. Google. Earth. So you can easily make yourself - Find Microsoft campus on the map and take a screenshot. In Photoshop, apply a filter layer, and just south of the main building structure can be discerned Flush (the former airbase Redmond shelter, by the way ). This is spetskampus for testers.
It is rumored that in 1995 some idiot from the service providing. Microsoft. testers set the standard machine for the sale of canned Coke, chips, etc. Dr.. Of course, then fired him and his chief of spetskampusa and half of the personnel department at the same time, but it was too late: the three testers swerve jaw jumped jar, five key choke on canned Coke, let alone the electric shocks generally silent. In short, almost the entire department has failed for six months... That's why the. Windows. Chicago. and there were so many bugs. And then all - then Bill, Bill, behold, zazhralis, bugs specifically releases....
And he, incidentally, was very upset, and still gives his armored limousine testers with no sound at short notice if necessary to take it to church, or synagogue - at the wedding, of course, in other cases they do not produce.
In addition, testers are now hunted by NASA, especially after the disaster with the shuttles. Until they have only recently realized why the USSR was on the order of magnitude smaller disasters - just before the flight tester is always brought back, began to put in Soyuz -TM, but the back tyknet finger, wag his hand - immediately fell off tiles, short plug, and went back for revision . The astronauts, crossing, the bubble tester put to bed, and again....
In general, these testers are not ordinary people, but give very high efficiency.
Project. managers.
Well, we were. project. manager. ( Project managery ). Heh, if you ever abused his project manager for corrosive, boring, mentally and verbally cursed him for his fondness for graphs and reports to immediately get up and go to it, get on your knees and biyas head on the floor with a frequency of 2 hits per second, . Because if you have worked with this project manager, your own Project manager seemed to be something of a hybrid of Mother Teresa and the two -day affectionate kitten.
As you know, Project managery in conventional projects are of two types - family members boss and out-of analysts. Relatives of the boss, we shut up - not good to blame poor, they have the same genetics, such. But analysts can actually get these projects managers. But not all of these analysts become real managerami Project.
In our daily life with you, my dear fellow programmers, in between reading. auto. ru. and. anekdot. ru. , Is, in fact, not so much disturbing the blood of the event. Well, the meeting, Mr. skills in. WoW. have taken for free or cut down a cunning counter sales manager of the 2nd Division... Boring as.
From such a life, each student -programmer in a year begins to imagine himself working analyst ( again, I suggest to users at all times, so I know their job better, and because he will put TK ), and after 2 years is aiming to managery Project and the percentage of the profits .
The present draft is not as. There really is every analyst has the potential to become a Project managerom.
On the above requirements, analysts have already written. And to become the PM, the analyst is enough to do two things - to submit an application and write a will.
Because of all the candidates choose only one. Usually from 2-3, sometimes from a larger number of. The most famous Project managera survivor among the 14 contenders, now working at. Google. , Called Dun Kanmak (. Doon. Canmack. ). Yes, there was a time when start-ups and. web. 2. 0 no, now has a maximum of 3 candidates.
Once a director vtersya the confidence of the old analyst, who was nearly hit on the qualifying match, but he was lucky - he got in a car accident, and hence there was a very stupid movie about immortals Highlanders, chopping off heads. and m. Dr..
But you do not think that intelligence in the fight for seat. project. manager. stupid drench each other with pistols and shotgun. Not for the fact they were brought up in the end.
All very civilized: candidates run in a psychiatric clinic high security with the task to develop a project ( in all kinds of projects - usually some level of graphical editor or the graphics driver ). Applicants must obtain the programmers and testers of the available material, to put them to task, to code and develop a project, then test the - and all this for 2 weeks, no more.
Of course, you can laugh and say that the ...
turns gloomy. But what is a fact of life. Also forgot to mention. of. Messinger. No, not clones. ICQ. and m. Dr.. , Are the descendants of Wolf Messing, who through innate abilities hypnotic control programmers and other staff. It turns out very well, but absolute power corrupts absolutely, so for them it is necessary to look. Despite the high rates of return, employers (especially VCs ) Messinger do not like - what you see, can. and you are very hypnotized.
I remember a long time whispering in the corridors of the wild when hypnotized Messinger. Three venture capital investors of the project, vpryag with braces in the cart and the milkman went around campus shouting ... Prada. and cheerfully waving his thighs on a particularly tight turns. He was able to calm down only by a special company of deaf-blind SWAT. They found his touch in the refrigerator campus and plugged all the holes feel for tape, plus an enema of vodka, as usual mesingerov tranquilizers do not take. This Messinger had. send to a desert island with three programmers who refused to leave the Master, as they called him, and venture capitalists such as once refused to wear suspenders.
What should I do?.
If you, dear readers, programmers have a little pride and self-esteem, then, after reading about real people who. make real software projects, should consider what to do with their own lives.
This is a completely normal reaction - ask yourself, ... ...
Such reflection and self-flagellation are useful in moderate doses (not mashite hands strongly, will throw a bottle, a beer with a bad keyboard washes ).
Actually, the further chapters of this work will be devoted to the question of ...
Some things will seem cynical, something incredible and something incredibly cynical, but I guarantee that by the end of reading this book you'll be on a lot of steps closer to being a real programmer.
Boot!.
Well, if no response, the publication of excerpts have to stop.
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